Why Audrey Hale Hated Her Own Body
Why Audrey Hale Hated Her Own Body
'Manifesto' confirms transgender ideation led to mass shooting
We now know why the federal government and a Tennessee judge went to such extraordinary lengths to suppress the ‘manifesto’ of Audrey Elizabeth Hale, Covenant School shooter, for 18 months. Hale’s journal is a study in transgender ideation. It confirms just about every criticism of transgender ideology aimed at young people, especially young women. It is an iceberg that rips open the flawed hull of the trans Titanic so that cold reality floods too many compartments to save it.
Hale was autistic and homosexual. Pornography warped her view of her sexuality. The values of her Christian family also conflicted with her sexuality. ‘Trans’ seemed to be an escape hatch, but one that she could never reach while she still lived at home. Autism held her back from leaving the nest. The challenges seemed too difficult. “Nothing on Earth can save me.” Nothing on earth. “I can’t be happy,” she wrote. “I am meant to die.” In heaven, she would have a new body, she believed.
Audrey Hale hated her body, so other people had to die, too, otherwise the world would not feel her rage at its transgressions against her. In one journal entry, she seems to refer to her plans for mass murder as “mass suicide.” A gender Jonestown. She even compared her intentions to Columbine: “I want my massacre to end in a way that Eric & Dylan would be proud of.”
What the government and the woke judge tried to cover up is the presence of a dangerous cult in the land, one that they have granted political sanction to recruit and impress American youth free of consequence.
Empowered by full spectrum media buy-in and generous corporate funding, enforced by zealots throughout the administrative elites, inculcated by teachers and therapists and clinicians who have thrown aside all previous understanding of the human life-cycle, ‘trans’ embedded itself as deep in Hale’s psyche as God, with catastrophic results.
Hale wrote that her soul was “worth nothing but my dead body will be worth more.” Childhood was easier. “A bare, flat chest made me feel free. Puberty imprisoned me,” Hale wrote. “And so does my mind. Puberty = life sentence.” Sexual awakening in adolescence brought on the dysphoria.
Only in her early twenties, however, did Hale learn the activist myth that “changing one’s gender is possible.” Hale was in 6th grade, at the cusp of puberty, when Norman Spack brought the so-called ‘Dutch protocol’ of puberty blockade to the United States. Awareness of this history was further torture: what if?
Hale felt unable to form romantic connections. “Life of a virgin fag,” she wrote in one entry: “no sex in real life(,) no love in life(,) resort to cartoon porn or let my stuffed animals fu*k.” A graphic depiction of sexual play with two dolls contains Hale’s primary sexual fantasy of anal sex with “a beautiful young brown girl” using a “big & rock hard” penis. But of course this pornographic fantasy was impossible because “I am a sad boy born w/a puny vagina.”
“I have no one to talk to…I talk to myself.” The pain of loneliness and isolation is evident. “I love you,” Hale wrote, declaring: “everything hurts.” Hopelessness pervades the journal: “I’m a queer; I am meant to die.” Amid hearts being torn apart, she wrote “I hurt too bad too many years I want to die” from the pain of dysphoria. Sadly, the word ‘lesbian’ does not appear in the journal. Hale could not let herself be a lesbian: “I’m not emo or b-ipolar,” but “a faggot with no lover.”
Heaven beckoned as a place where she could be her ‘authentic self,’ in the parlance of transgender ideation. “There is a much better place than being in these bodies forced 2 live in (even if you like showing yours, to him the wrong body) … So, I can’t wait to get there,” she wrote to a crush. Heterosexual women were unavailable to her, so “I will be of no use of love for any girl if I don’t have what they need: boy’s body/male gender.”
Despite Hale’s stated attraction to African-American females — “No brown girls, no love” and “Brown love is the most beautiful” — anti-whiteness does not seem to have been a strong motivation. Hale did refer to “white privilege” in her confused self-analysis. However, she also defended her parents as hard workers who provided for the family, and hardly privileged people, even as she blamed them for her spiritual crisis.
In the same way, “I’m better as dirt for world’s sake…my dead body will make the earth grow” and her love of nature resonate with environmentalism, but only in a generalized, fuzzy way. Her belief in the Second Amendment is expressed with greater conviction, then her belief in gender ideology with the most conviction, and by far the most often.
“So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun, or be transgender, or non-binary,” Hale wrote on 20 February 2023, one week after the Tennessee legislature voted to ban so-called ‘gender-affirming medicine’ for minors. “So now because of you, I wish death on myself cause of pure hatred of my female gender.” The next day’s entry shows that Hale tried to carry out her attack, but “Covenant was closed yesterday, I guess because of the weather.”
The unlawful use of violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims is called ‘terrorism.’ Hale wanted to terrorize the world for political transgenderism. “I’m sorry innocent lives will be taken,” she wrote, but also expressed her readiness to die and her hope that “my victims aren’t” ready to die, as well as hope that “I have a high death count.”
Hale clearly intended for reporters to read her journal, including a note “For Media” that her “illeagal name” [sic] was Aiden, inferring that she rejected her ‘deadname’ of Audrey. “Audrey is not my name,” she wrote to a romantic interest, “but when you say it I am just as the little 1,” when “I was a ok,” and “then I can be a kid again.”
Hale was fixated on returning to the time she remembered being happy. An art college classmate told CNN that Hale “dressed like a little kid,” displayed a “child-like obsession with staying a child,” carried stuffed animals into class, and produced art that was “childish, family-friendly, G-rated, to a nauseating degree, almost.”
In one passage, Hale recalls "watching boys dunk basketballs “and wishing I was a boy to do that.” Hale’s final Instagram message to Averianna Patton, who had not known Hale since they were children playing basketball, warned that “something bad is about to happen” but promised “One day this will make more sense” because she had “left more than enough evidence behind.”
Patton, who is African-American, seems to have been an early crush for Hale. “This love for you will never end until I am up in heaven when hurt is no more and I can love you and be in no more pain in that new place,” Hale wrote. It is unclear if this message was meant for Patton, but it certainly fits the tragic framework of Hale’s self-loathing and internalized homophobia.
Being seen as a female hurt, for “when I am called a lady or ma’am damn it makes me not want to exist.” That her body did not match her self-conception as a man with a large penis caused endless pain. “I was actually identified as a male today and it felt right but embarrassed of my female body. I SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS BODY!” she complained.
Dysphoria increased one body part at a time. “At least I don’t have big boobs or a butt, but yet I hate having boobs at all. They might have grown just a bit & I want to die,” she wrote. Hale felt “cursed to be looked down upon” as a woman and referred to herself as a “cursed soul.”
“Why did God make me this way? I feel wrong, I was born wrong.” Death would surely bring release. “Love will find me once my body loses me.” Her existing body was a “coccoon of my old self” that needed to die. She doodled herself leaving her body-coccoon behind like a butterfly. “If God won’t give me a boy body in heaven, then Jesus is a faggot,” she wrote.
Audrey Hale had the wrong body to have sex with women in the way that she wanted, that her parents and society and God approved. Her faith in God remained even as she rejected the spirituality of her upbringing. To her, Jesus was a new gender and the holy miracle was puberty blockade. Cruel fate had denied it to her as a child, when she played basketball with black girls and developed her first sexual attractions.
None of this is acceptable to transgender activists who vociferously deny that any gay or lesbian kids are ever harmed by their woo-woo.
Hale was seeing a therapist for her autism. It was not her only mental health counseling. “No one gets me - everyone typical misunderstands autism,” she complained. “Love cannot be real if my autism is,” reads another note. “Male brain & my autism?” Hale wondered, supposing a connection.
Autism is also over-represented in the population that expresses transgender identification. Activists deny that autism plays any role at all and insist that even the most highly-autistic child is capable of ‘knowing who they are.’
But Hale’s manifesto is a reckoning all around. Christian conservatives who rightfully object to gender identity indoctrination must reckon with the role of spiritual abuse in transgender identification. More than one detransitioner has mentioned the damage of being told that God hates them for being homosexual. Indeed, to Audrey Hale, the word “gay” was an insult.
“Having a father in this life is gay,” she wrote. Underneath, she told her father to “DROP DEAD FAGGOT.” However, these expressions of hatred began with herself. “I pay no rent or bills, still live w/parents, might as well throw me in a retard home.”
Unable to sleep from obsession (“racing thoughts”) and depression at not being a boy, then oversleeping so that she lost out on freelance jobs, Hale also writes of not eating enough, recalling the connections between ‘gender dysphoria’ and the disembodying affliction of anorexia.
Again, critics of ‘gender affirming care’ regimens always meet with angry denials from the activists of ‘gender medicine’ whenever we talk about this. Critics also point to the high rate of mental illness in the ‘trans kids’ population. Hale had been “receiving psychological treatment at Vanderbilt Hospital” since she was about six years old. Internalized misogyny is yet another dimension behind the phenomenon. “I need a trans doctor…this female gender role makes me want to not exist, to be completely gone in physical from… off the face of the earth,” Hale wrote, using the language of Queer Theory.
“Why does my brain not work right? Cause I was born wrong!!!” Hale wrote. The phrase ‘born in the wrong body’ is patent religious speech, which is why activists have deprecated their usage of it, claiming instead that critics of genderwoo are the only ones who ever say it.
The “Hale Manifesto” contains everything that GLAAD, HRC, and the ACLU would rather everyone ignore forever about ‘gender identity’ indoctrination of children. Rachel Levine and the Biden White House and the Democratic Party wanted her journal to disappear unseen because it proves that the critics of gender ideology are right, have been right all along.
That is far too dangerous a truth to set free, from the perspective of very powerful people. The TERFs are not allowed to be right. JK Rowling has to be wrong. Graham Linehan must be wrong, otherwise the wrong people win. Nothing else in this document could possibly warrant such unusual effort by the Department of Justice to suppress it.
“I am the most unhappy boy alive,” wrote the world’s unhappiest girl. “I wish to be dead.” Her inner child demanded to lead the way. “Parents actually believe religion can change nature. That could explain why I don’t practice religion anymore,” Audrey Hale wrote. But this was incorrect: she had a new religion, one that promised to give her the body of a boy.
“Maybe, just maybe you’ll give me a kiss in heaven,” reads the journal. “Death will be my way, to find a better life.”
To read the Hale manifesto for yourself, visit The Tennessee Star (the download link is in the first paragraph). Reporter Tom Pappert has been a profile in courage, so if you are on X/Twitter, you can thank him here.
Someone should do a story about the suppression of this sick woman's "manifesto." Name names.
You beat me to it.